My boyfriend and I have been renting a house together for almost 7 years. The whole time I’ve been here I have kept myself at a distance in terms of allowing myself to really feel at home. The reasons were primarily because we don’t own the home and also because for a long time I didn’t think we would stay for very long. It’s a great house and I do love it, however, I’m not so fond of the busy road that we are on and therefore always felt this place was a temporary dwelling. So, while we are both pretty much clean freaks and keep the place nice, I have been ever resistant when it comes to any upgrades. Well it took me long enough, but I have finally come to the obvious conclusion that whether I own this home or not, it is the place that I spend a lot of my time… particularly since I work from home! So this week we painted ‘my room’ - the one where I teach and practice guitar and pretty much spend my days. We bought bookshelves and organized my small hoarders collection of stuff, added new blinds and more ambient lighting. This room is now absolutely Zen. I feel such great energy in here today; I feel more at peace and have a heightened mental clarity. I am looking forward to becoming creative in this space… writing music etc. I hope also that my students may thrive more in this room.
The greater conclusion that I have come to through this lesson, and it is one I’ve known on other levels yet did not equate it to this case, is that even if I owned this house… I would not own this house! None of us can own anything in this universe. It is not ours to be owned. Not even our bodies are ours as they will ultimately die off, wither away and feed the planet, taking on a new purpose. Everything is in a state of change at all times and it is futile to try to hold on to something… to attempt to take on ownership of something. It’s the old lesson of non-attachment, which states that suffering is alleviated by attainment of this position. At the same time, we must treat all things and all moments in our time here with the utmost care, even though they are transient. Just as we should take care of our bodies even though they will eventually live no more, we should also take care of the spaces that we dwell, filling them with the energy that we want to be surrounded by. Home is not defined by ones name being written on a deed… I am home now - and I am grateful.
